I meet people who says, I want to be a doctor, magistrate, police officer, manager, businessman, salesman etc. I always wonder how do they know what they want to be. Throughout my life, starting from schooldays, I never knew what I want to become. Relatives will come and often ask this question, “What do you want to be when you grow-up?” I always gave a blank response and simply stared back. When I could not look anymore in their eyes expecting and answer, I start looking at my feet. At times I just ran away making excuse to play or eat. After all those years, I still my find in the same situation.
In a recent conversation with a colleague, who asked the “dark question” again; “What is your plan for coming years?”. My response, after all those years, is still the same. I was just blank for some time. It might have been a moment and two. But, it felt like I just travelled through my whole life making stops at the moments when I went blank at the same question. After a moment that felt like years I responded, “I do not know”. I felt bad about myself. It is a kind of feeling that you feel when as kid you were making mistakes in doing simple sum of 2 numbers, while you parents are expecting you to do multiplications. It is that feeling of letting down, not being up-to-the mark.
Well, I still do not what is my destination. But, this conversation did make me think of all the things I am interested to do. Not that I want to reach somewhere by doing those things. It is just that I feel good doing those. Writing is one of those things that make me feel good. However, being lazy is also one the things that I enjoy. When laziness meets with disliking of schedules/patterns and preferences for some randomness and diverse interest, one finds that some interests are left behind. However, this discussion did push me again for writing and here I am, writing new entry in my blog after almost 3 years.
Big thanks to my colleague; I do not remember who it was, to bring me back to writing after various journeys in last years. For sure it will not be a scheduled or organized writing. But, I hope to write more often than one in 3 years and I may come back to this topic again .. someday.
Till the next one, keep smiling.